Date of dream: Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Level of Lucidity:
N/A
Level of Cohesiveness: 
Lucid Intent?
No
This dream has been viewed 25 times.
From a brief nap I took sitting upright in bed in the afternoon. This might be out of order.
I was taking a bath. I guess it was daytime, still light out; I believe there was still a window in the bathroom (we boarded it over years ago, in reality) since there was dim light in there meaning the light was not on. As I sloshed around and changed positions in the tub I was imagining different things about various characters of mine. In reality, when I take a bath (since I hate showers), I get the water as hot as I possibly can and spend the next hour or so--until the water goes lukewarm--switching between lying on my back and lying on my stomach, to soak up as much of the heat as I can. The tub is too short for somebody even five feet tall to stretch out all the way so no matter how I stretch out, my legs are bent up. The heat of the water and my usual already drowsy state means I usually end up dozing off and on; sometimes the water is so hot it's almost like I slip into a kind of weird half-waking state that's almost dissociative in nature, so that when the bath is over and I'm drying off it feels almost like it didn't really happen. Once in a while I doze off and my face goes into the water; I always promptly awaken when I get water in my nose or mouth. Once the heat is all soaked up, then I take my bath proper and wash up.
Anyway, in the dream I was doing a lot of pretending, which I'm usually too drowsy to do in reality. Much of it was of an adult nature, so you've been warned. I won't go into excessive detail. First I was pretending a lot about some of my Trench Rats characters, mostly Inspector Dobermann at first. In my stories he's a Nazi supporter-type character, never loses his temper, but has a real sadistic streak; once he shot a guy dead just for bothering him when he was supposed to be asleep. I have a few scenes of him with a character named Senta Werner, who is a kind of subordinate of his; she's like his daughter's age but has the hots for him, but gets a bit more than she reckoned for when they finally go to bed together. Anyway. In my imagination he was with a completely different female character who I knew in the dream but she doesn't exist in reality; I have no clue who she was. She too was much younger than he is, and pretty naive, kind of a Red Bird- or Nixie-esque character (two other characters of mine, the latter from the TR storyline). Wide-eyed innocent type, not suitable for Dobey at all. But in the dream they got along, I guess. They were starting to, well, get into things, and of course she was all nervous and shivery and whatnot. Dobermann was kissing her and acting very out of character in that he was reassuring her he wouldn't hurt her or make her do anything she didn't want to do. That line echoes that of a different character of mine, Matthew, from a novella I wrote called "Milk Cartons"; he's the first boyfriend of Det. Justin Reichert, who at the time is just coming to grips with being gay, and so of course is really beyond nervous, so Matt keeps telling him he won't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Well, Dobermann was using that line here, with whoever this girl was. Which is really out of character for him, if you've seen his scenes with Senta. Still, I could entertain the thought of it happening, since this character was nothing like Senta. In any case, she was still terribly nervous, but really attracted to him, so was going to go along with it. I hate to include this part but I imagined it in the dream, so I have to mention it, but I won't get graphic. I'll just say that Dobermann licked his finger for a particular reason. That's all. You fill in the rest.
Then I started imagining a Trench Rats character nearly being murdered by drowning--roleplaying all this in the tub--and I imagined him apparently being dead, but then he would push himself up onto hands and knees, lift his dripping head, and then sit there gasping and snarling with a livid glare on his face as he thought of his revenge. I alternated between this character being Dobermann--which is stretching it a bit, because 1. he scares the living crap out of people just by looking at them, so who would want to try to manually drown him? and 2. he's quite strong, so somebody nearly drowning him by hand would be unlikely--and Sgt. Black Rat, the leader of the Trench Rats. I began to settle on Black since it was more believable. But also a bit of a stretch, because Black isn't the sort to get that savage livid snarly look, but if you've just been nearly drowned, I imagine you could do anything. I thought it'd be really cool to show him so out of character like that. I kept playing this scene out, pushing myself up onto hands and knees and lifting my head and gasping and snarling.
At some point, I decided to immerse my face in the water as I sometimes do, maybe part of my pretending of this scene, but I nearly forgot to pinch my nose shut. I remembered just in time, and stuck my face in the water. It was unusually shallow so I couldn't immerse my entire head. Plus, I didn't feel the water on my face; I kind of felt something, almost like a bit of lace touching my nose or something, but not the typical pressure of the water all around me. When I lifted my head, I felt a bit disappointed and puzzled about that.
I noticed that the shower curtain was open. I always bathe with it shut now, because it keeps the heat in longer. Why was it open? I could've sworn it was shut earlier. I tugged on it to pull it closed, but I pulled it too far to the right, so there was a big open gap on the left; so I adjusted that. I don't recall setting the bottles of soap on the edges to keep it shut like I do in reality.
I lay on my back and now started imagining my character Det. Max Kristeva, lying in the tub with a significant other; I couldn't decide between his wife, Natalie, or a former (transgendered) girlfriend of his, Danielle, or some other girlfriend from the past; whoever it was, it was either Danielle or somebody female. (Kristeva is bisexual, so is attracted to both men and women and has been with both, which is why I have to clarify this point.) They would be here just cuddling and such. But then I remembered that Kristeva, due to nearly being drowned in the past (uh-huh), dislikes bathtubs and uses the shower instead, so for him to be lying in a tub with a girlfriend or his wife was highly unlikely. So, I thought, maybe they would be in bed, or else he was just tolerating this for now. *shrug*
I knew I shouldn't loiter in the tub TOO much longer, but the water was only warm, not hot, and I wanted to soak a bit more, plus maybe it seemed a bit shallow (I like it as deep as possible), so I decided to run some more hot water. I turned it on and ran some water but it was just a rather thin stream like it wasn't turned up high, and it was cool, not hot. I considered letting it heat up, then decided against this and shut it off, resigned to my tepid bath. I figured it'd take too long for it to heat back up and I'd just end up making the water even colder. I'll point out that right here was a missed chance at a reality check, since in my dreams I can never feel extremes of temperature; a recurring aspect of bathing dreams is that I try to make the water hotter and just can't do it. The dream was very realistic in most aspects, and I suck at lucidity, so naturally, it didn't occur to me to ponder this. It's common in reality for the water to have gone cold should I try running it again later; this is why, should I want to run some more hot water, I do it shortly after turning it off so it hasn't had a chance to cool off too much.
At some point as I was doing this, maybe thinking of getting out, I sat forward and noticed some faded pencil writing on the left edge of the tub when facing the tap. It was just a sentence written in the dust. It had something to do with my mother, but I don't recall what; it wasn't offensive or anything, though I wondered if she'd seen it and what she thought of it. I believe it was my writing. I recall the color red, so maybe there was a flower there or something, or maybe this is just because I might have imagined something about my character Red Bird; unsure.
I guess I got out; I might have a vague memory of drying off, but am not sure. (I don't recall the actual bathing part of the bath; maybe this was just a hot soak, though I only tend to take those when I have a cold, since it's such a waste of water.)
Somehow I ended up in the back bathroom, which has a toilet and a sink with a cabinet under it but no bath or shower; it's a very small room, dark, without windows, and in reality is quite messy and my dad is the only one who regularly uses it. The size and general layout of it--toilet on the right when entering, sink to the left--was about the same as in reality, but it was much cleaner, something I didn't notice at first. I had my towel with me, I believe, from having dried off, so it was probably still damp, and I wanted to put it down but I didn't want to set it down in here and get it dirty. I felt skeeved out at the thought. But then I looked around and was surprised to see how much cleaner the place was than in reality. Oddly, the toilet and sink were so low as to be almost set into the floor. The back of the toilet had been cleaned off of whatever was there, and the sink was almost immaculate now. (In reality, it's loaded with papers and junk; there's a little stand/newspaper holder near it and it too is overloaded. The sink is no longer used for washing, obviously.) Also, instead of a...porcelain or whatever sink set in a wooden cabinet, the entire thing seemed to be made of dark, polished wood; it was set so low there must not have been a cabinet beneath it here. Seeing all this, I realized it wouldn't be so bad to set down my towel, but I don't think I did, because the back of the toilet was still a bit dusty, and that's just how I am.
I now started pretending again, about Det. Kristeva and his partner, Det. Chance Devetko. This time, Kristeva was interrogating somebody in a room while Devetko waited outside. These two are as different as night and day, but they've learned how to mesh their talents, so Dev puts up with all Kristeva's quirks since he knows they work. They regularly do this "rock-paper-scissors" thing to determine who will play Good Cop, Bad Cop, except they use all these alternates, like Sane Cop, Crazy Cop, or Talkative Cop, Silent Cop, or maybe Insensitive Cop, Weepy Cop, etc. etc. etc., whatever Kristeva thinks will prove most useful; when they were first partnered Dev couldn't stand this technique, but now he willingly participates. Anyway, they weren't doing the Good Cop/Bad Cop team in the dream; Kristeva was doing the interrogating while Devetko waited outside the interrogation room. Kristeva was getting rather rough and hostile, yelling and grabbing the suspect and whatnot, while Devetko was to keep outside and pretend not to notice while he did this; he would know if Kris went too far and only then would go inside, but until then he was to keep out, and keep others out. (Dev has relaxed some of his morals since getting acquainted with Kris.) In the scenario, I guess the back bathroom was the interrogation room; Kristeva was yelling at this guy for whatever reason, grabbing him by the collar and shoving him up against the wall, while Devetko waited outside a little impatiently. I imagined Kristeva possibly putting his gun to the guy's head; he wouldn't DO anything with it, but that's kind of stepping over the line, especially considering that Kristeva has a history of getting carried away in the past and so has been told to work on that. He and Dev keep each other balanced. Perhaps Devetko grew fed up with waiting for results, or realized things were getting rather heated; in any case, I imagined him entering the room, seeing what was going on, and hurrying forward to grab his partner and pull him off the guy before it went too far.
"What do you think you're doing?" I had Devetko hiss at him as he pulled him back. "If news of you doing this gets out it could compromise everything he's said and mess up our whole case!"
I mulled over this scenario a bit, changing a few things. First off, I considered having Dev swear--"What the hell do you think you're doing?" or maybe even "What the f**k do you think you're doing?" I might have even whispered the first aloud. But I felt bad about swearing, and while Dev might use the word "hell," he most likely wouldn't use the F word, so I abandoned this bit. Then I thought it wouldn't be good for this guy they were interrogating to hear Devetko's warning that should word get out about Kristeva's intimidation, anything the suspect said would be, well, suspect, fruit of the poisonous tree I believe the phrase is, and inadmissable in court. Maybe the guy was a bit too dense to realize this on his own; I didn't want Dev making that clear to him so he could use it as a defense and ruin the entire case. (Keep in mind here that Dev doesn't ENTIRELY lack morals--he didn't want Kristeva threatening this guy with bodily harm or coercing a confession, but he also didn't want to give the guy a defense, especially since Kristeva didn't really get to go too far.) So I pondered the idea of him whispering it beyond the guy's hearing--he was already rather hissing it at Kristeva as he pulled him away--but I wasn't sure, maybe he WOULD say it loud enough to be heard.
Sometime during this (why was I even out here, BTW?), I glanced down at the sink. As I said, it was set very low into the floor, the undersink cabinet no longer existing, and it was made of dark polished wood which was a little pitted from age. VERY dark wood. The sink basin was oval and there was a good amount of ledge around it. It was very nice looking. What I noticed now, however, was that it was embedded in the floor itself and apparently the plumbing ran directly down into the basement, for there was a small gap of maybe an inch square at one corner where the wooden floor didn't completely fit up snug against the sink's side. I could literally see down into the basement! And the basement was VERY well lit, bright yellow, so there was this bright yellow square of light with a bit of the basement visible below, at the edge of the sink base. On the one hand, this made me anxious, because I'm terrified of heights, and the floor/ground caving in is a recurring dream theme of mine, and the fact that the basement was visible made me feel like the floor wasn't sturdy enough and could easily break through, plunging me into the basement. On the other hand, I was terribly intrigued; I'd never noticed this before. It was almost the feeling of finding a new room or something. I think I was going to either look around and see if there was more space visible around the sink, or else go into the basement and try to see if I could look up into the bathroom from there. (There was no aspect of "Heh-heh, I can look up into the bathroom!" It was just curiosity about something I'd never noticed before.) This little open space was at the right bottom corner...right now it was like the sides of the sink weren't flush against the walls as they are in reality, but there was a space between the two instead.
Also, on seeing how low to the floor the sink was, I had thoughts of, say, pressing grapes in it with my feet, or doing other such similar things. *shrug*
I must have left the bathroom, but I'm not sure how or where I went, for my next memory is of passing by the living room on my way to the kitchen or dining room, from the direction of my bedroom or the bathroom with the tub. Dad, and maybe Ma, was in the living room watching TV, I believe. As I went past, I caught a glimpse of what was on the television. It was some kind of games or race involving these small odd vehicles speeding along a course. It was meant in fun, like those goofy competitions you sometimes see. Most of these little vehicles were red or had red parts, and they all seemed different, so perhaps they'd been homemade. They were smaller than cars; I can't really describe them since they were different and rather weird in construction. I guess that was the point of the competition, to build your own vehicle and then race it. It was a rather big competition or gameshow since the bleachers/stands seemed full and there were announcers and everything; the nearest comparison I can think of, at least in terms of atmosphere, would be Wipeout, except this was a bit more mainstream, I think. The track looked like one used for a footrace, not a racecar track. Perhaps some of these vehicles were propelled by foot power. I recall one that had a red body and a sort of wide, vaguely cylindrical wire mesh cage on top, big enough for the "driver's" head and upper body to show; his lower body was out of sight. It was a guy, maybe in a baseball cap. Oh, it was sunny there, too, with quite a festive atmosphere.
I thought this looked rather fun. I imagined a character of mine thinking, "Ooooooh, this is fun!" in a goofy way, then I decided it would be Det. Kristeva saying it in a jokey manner, the way he often is when alter "Number Three" is in charge. (Oh. Kris has multiple personalities. In case you're new to my dream journal.) I then started mentally roleplaying Kristeva as I often do in reality, another reason the dream was so realistic, even my thought patterns were just as they are in reality. I imagined Kristeva jumping up and down and screaming in an exaggerated, girly manner. Typical Number Three, being stupid for the sake of making others look stupid.
I decided to look at the side window bird feeder. At first it was daytime when I looked. I was startled to see at first what just appeared to be a few little brown pine siskins, but then to the right, facing away from me and kind of lying down, I saw what looked like a small, skinny, molty black squirrel. But I couldn't be sure what it was. "What is that...?" I thought, squinting, and moved closer to get a better look. I just grew more and more confused because it didn't look like a squirrel anymore. "What the heck...?" I murmured, perplexed. The creature then turned its head, and now there were several of them, and they were smaller, the size of small rats or large mice; they were dark brown, and did look basically like rats, with long muzzles, rather than like typical mice, though they didn't look exactly like the rats I'm used to; perhaps some kind of weird foreign variety.
I assumed they were just rats. "Rats--?" I exclaimed aloud so my parents could hear, "Rats?--I have rats now?" I wasn't upset, just surprised; I'm used to getting all sorts of weird animals at my feeders, but this was unexpected, hence my surprise.
Now, suddenly, it seemed to be night. And now the rats or whatever started to change again. I tapped lightly on the window to try to convince them to look at me or move a little so I could get a better look. Most of the little creatures--the plate was now full of them, and the pine siskins seemed to be gone--started flying or climbing up the side of the house to the right; now the layout was different from reality. It was like there was a projection of the house to the right of the window, pointed north, as if there were another room there; it was quite a big projection, with the white siding like the real house, and the roof sloping steeply upwards was visible, and there was something like a chimney and maybe attic windows (perhaps set in the roof itself) or something too. Perhaps there was some ivy. Some of these small rodentlike creatures flew up toward this or crawled up the side of the house to congregate near this chimney. Some of them, of course, now had wings, so I knew they were bats, and as soon as I realized that, yes, they looked like bats.
"Bats!" I exclaimed aloud in delight; I've never had bats visit my feeders, so this too was new, and better than rats. Though then I kind of thought, "Ewww, bats...?" because maybe I was leery of the thought of rabies; not sure. Perhaps I just thought they'd be pesky. (I used to get little brown bats caught in a tear in my bedroom window screen all the time when I was younger...so annoying.) Most were small/medium in size, slightly bigger than our typical bats, but there were a few bigger ones, like big brown bats (maybe--I've never seen any bats other than little browns), and there was something odd or different about their physiognomy that put me off. Their noses might have been weird, or else they weren't using their wings to fly like the little ones, but were using the claw at the joint to climb, which was just strange to me since they sort of crawled rather than climbed and it was kind of oogy to watch. I just could not be sure what the heck they were, they looked so odd. They were all medium brown in color now, all these creatures. I was trying to tap the window again to get them to move so I could get a better look, but it's like I was having trouble or getting distracted. While I was doing this, I noticed one of them, a smaller one I think though I'm not sure, to the left, seemingly hanging upside-down in midair; that confused me, and I was trying to see if it was in fact hanging from a branch or something that I just couldn't see; I even entertained the thought that maybe it was hovering? I figured it was just hanging from something I couldn't see, though there wasn't supposed to be anything there, it wasn't perched on the limb of the feeder.
It was while I was scrutinizing these bat things that I awoke, soaked in sweat. Ugh.
Date of dream: Friday, May 04, 2012
Level of Lucidity:
N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent?
No
This dream has been viewed 27 times.
Vague.
I was outside with my mother. It was daytime, but the time was indeterminate, probably sometime in the afternoon; the lighting was off. I think it was overcast but we were in the side road beside my house, H. Road, and the trees were full of leaves so it was really shady, more so than it gets in reality, so perhaps the sun was in the wrong direction. This seems to place the dream in summer since the trees are only just starting to get their leaves right now. Anyway, it was full and green and dim and very peaceful here in the road. I'm not sure what we were doing at first, maybe just walking, though we seemed to be wandering a bit and going in no specific direction. Meandering around in the road, I spotted something lying in the middle of it, and went to see what it was. It was a large harness for a dog, light blue or powder blue in color, I believe. It wasn't leather; it was that woven nylon stuff, I believe. It was a harness like I've seen sold in Wal-Mart's pet section, with the straps that go on over the head and around the forelegs and to which you attach the leash.
I picked this up and dangled it from my hand, looking it over as Ma approached and looked at it also. I wondered if it would fit my cat, Cosmas, even though I knew it was a dog harness. I thought it was probably too big, and was going to set it back down, but then I mulled it over a bit. Coz is a big cat; in reality a long time back I bought him a medium cat harness of the same type, but it was too small. They didn't have any for big cats. More recently in reality I looked at the dog harnesses (they no longer seem to carry cat harnesses) and wondered if one of those might fit him. They have them for small, medium, and large dogs, but the thing is, they go by different measurements--the one for medium dogs went by neck size, I think, whereas the one for big dogs went by girth. So that made no sense. I nearly got a medium one for Coz to try but figured I wouldn't make the same mistake twice so didn't. In case you're wondering why I'm considering a harness for my cat, it's because he's not too trustworthy when we take him outside, so I've thought about harnessing and tying him up with a long chain or something like we used to do with our old cat, Pepper. Pepper was used to the harness and chain and could be relied on to lie outside in the sun for an hour or more without incident. Coz is a different story. Put a harness on him and he's likely to do the regular cat thing of just falling right over senseless. I'm fairly certain he would not enjoy being harnessed outside, and I know I could not leave him unattended. But he's bolted a few times, and the extra security would be nice. I just don't know what his size is in dog measurement. For example, does large cat equal medium dog?
In the dream, I thought it looked like this harness might fit Coz. It was the same size as the medium dog harnesses at Wal-Mart. It's impossible to tell for sure short of fitting the cat into one, but I was interested enough to bring it home with me. At that point, I saw something else lying nearby. My mother accompanying me, I started wandering around the road and the edge of it where it was lost in overgrown grass near the woods, and kept finding different parts that went with the harness. There were at least four or five parts total, but I can't recall what they might have been. One, of course, would have been the leash/chain itself, except I think it was more like a nylon rope. One part was probably something that helped hook the leash to the harness, and I think something resembled a waterbottle though it obviously wasn't, since I can't think of why that would be part of the getup. The leash part was VERY long and I coiled it around and around like a garden hose. Everything was the same shade of blue (?), so I knew they were all in fact part of the same set that somebody had either lost or abandoned out here in the road not far from our house.
Realizing this, I suspected that the owner, noticing their harness equipment was missing, might come looking for it. But I'd decided that I wanted to keep it for Coz. So after gathering this stuff, I went off the side of the road near where our boulder would be; in fact, I think that's the area I was in, though it looked somewhat different. There might have been small bushes or saplings. The grass was quite thick, as I was setting these items down in it and then pulling something like leafy branches over them to shield them from view. Ah, I just remembered, the reason I was doing this and not simply taking them back to the house was because it was a bit of a walk in the open and I knew I would be spotted, so it was easier to hide them for the time being; perhaps I suspected the owner was returning even now.
Unfortunately, I was still in the act of covering the harness items with foliage when the owner did in fact come walking (?) down the road toward us from the east. I don't know if he had a dog with him or not. It was an adult male and that's all I can really give regarding description. He acted mildly curious as if to ask, "Why are you burying my harness equipment under branches?" though he said no such thing; it was just this kind of raised eyebrow look as he identified the equipment as his. I mentally panicked--I didn't want him to know that I had, in effect, been making off with his stuff, even though I still really wanted it, felt I could use it more than he could, and I was disappointed and rather peeved that he'd just happened to come along now. Why had he let all his stuff get tossed in the road for so long if he wanted it so much? Wasn't that rather negligent? Finders, keepers, right? But that was no excuse now. I believe that even as I'd been first concealing the equipment in the undergrowth, I'd been mentally reciting the excuse/explanation I planned to give in the event I was caught, and now, well, here I was, caught. So even while the excuse was still taking form in my head, I started to blurt it out, that oh, this stuff was his?--I'd just found it all scattered in the road where it could get run over or stolen, so I was just concealing it here where nobody could see it, so it would be safe until the owner could be located. The harness equipment was still a bit visible where I hadn't managed to conceal it completely, otherwise, I would have lied even further and said no, I hadn't seen his stuff, sorry. That's how much I wanted to keep it. The only reason I owned up to hiding it was because he'd caught me in the act, and even then, I lied.
I got a vague feeling that he saw through my lie, but he wasn't upset or anything, just had that arched-eyebrow look like, "Sure, okay." I did feel really guilty, but it was more about being caught than about stealing his stuff, because I really did feel that he'd abandoned it and he should have tended to it more carefully if he really wanted it so much. Surely my cat could use the equipment more than his dog could. Throughout all this my mother was mainly a bystander and not that involved, and remained neutral regarding the entire situation.
I've already given the real-life association of seeing the harnesses in Wal-Mart. Regarding my theft of the equipment, my behavior in the dream was rather unlike reality, though I can't say that I wouldn't have claimed something like that lying in the road. I wouldn't be nearly so good at lying about it, though, and would definitely feel more guilt than I did in the dream. But like I said, I can't claim I would never do such a thing in reality, no matter how much I might want to insist I wouldn't.
Date of dream: Friday, April 13, 2012
Level of Lucidity:
N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent?
No
This dream has been viewed 30 times.
I started remembering this dream piecemeal a bit after awakening. The order is iffy and I'm not sure if it's all the same dream, but here we go. It's kind of faded since I had time to take only general notes.
I'm not even sure if I took note of each scene. I'll put them in the order that makes the most sense.
I was at some kind of place that in location makes me think of Plaza 27, a little area of stores near the Glen's supermarket. I don't know what makes me think it was in that area, especially based on what happens later. *shrug* The building itself was unfamiliar. I can't properly describe it; all I can say is it wasn't too big, kind of made me think of the AT&T store we have there (no reason why, maybe just in general size/area), and the walls and ceiling were white--not offwhite, but bright cool white. It wasn't overpowering or blinding, though. There were no windows or any such visible except perhaps where the entry was, which was behind me since I faced the back of the room. I believe this was a "house" that had been bought by the character Jim Halpert (John Krasinski) from The Office, perhaps for me, though I'm not sure; I do know I was going to live or at least stay there for a while. Jim might have seemed more like an older brother figure to me here. He was already in the place when I came in. I think another, older woman (I might have been younger than in reality) entered and the two of them started talking while I set up a spot for me to stay and feel at home. At the back of the room was something like a half wall or thick partition (it might have been like stucco or something, kind of organic); I can't recall what was on the left, but I started working around on the right. I had a little table/desk and a little chair/stool and I was fiddling around with the best position in which to put these. A bathroom figured into this; either there was a little bathroom door right behind my area, so I would have kind of blocked it, or it was on the other side of this partition; perhaps there was even a space under the wall. I felt peaceful and such because I would have my own private space and easy access to a bathroom--the two basic things I require when staying away from home. Plus I just liked being in Jim's company.
Jim turned to watch as I placed the chair/stool to one side of the table/desk, then pulled it out and pushed it under another side so its back was toward the front of the room. He might have been wondering why I was messing around so much. I glanced at him and made some kind of half-joking comment about my behavior. I felt I should really just pick a spot to put the chair and leave it before I got too annoying. I should add that my space back here was VERY small, so maybe this was just a temporary stay after all.
I believe the woman who'd shown up was discussing some sort of charity or donation thing with Jim. Mildly curious, I started listening in a bit. It was probably some kind of animal or wildlife charity since animals were involved somehow, but I don't know if it was more along the lines of something like the Humane Society or the World Wildlife Fund. In any event, the woman saw me peering at them and asked if I'd like to make a donation. I would, but I wanted a better look at a clear glass or plastic container she had; it might have been similar in size and shape to a fishbowl. It was full of small plastic (?) animal figurines similar to those I had when little, only more detailed. I took the container from her and started poking around in it while the other two continued to talk. This is kind of confusing; it's sort of like the figurines were placed into several groups of around two or three each, but they were also all jumbled in this container, so I can't explain that. If they were in such groups, they were arranged according to some kind of theme, e. g., four-legged reptiles here, water-loving mammals here, etc. Either I wanted one from each group or I wanted just one, period, and I had to mull over all of them to figure out which.
The other two kind of looked my way as I sifted through these figurines. Some of them tempted me, but I was seeking just the right one, for I could hardly take them all. There were all sorts of animals represented. Some of these pieces were then kind of like just parts of figurines and not whole ones though they weren't technically broken, except for one I pulled out, which I think was a wing, and a little piece was broken off one of the narrower parts; I think it was gray. At this point, these were more like those little ceramic Wade figurines you used to get in boxes of tea, rather than plastic. I pulled out something that at first was kind of like a big windy snake--it was a dull yellowy/mustardy color and kind of flattish. I thought part was broken off or missing, but then I believe I realized it was supposed to look like this, and represented the tongue of a reptile. I wondered what kind. Then it might have in fact been the reptile itself; it was some kind of large lizard.
I was curious as to what kind of lizard this was. I think I found something like an information card for it, or it might just have been something that happened to be in there; it was kind of like an old map, brownish tinted, and had an odd name on it like "Kimikodo" or something. I'd assumed this was a Komodo dragon; I wasn't sure whether to correct myself or to think that this was merely a variant spelling. At first I thought it was Japanese, with a name like that, but I read this thing and it was some kind of account given in the Wild West. I guess "Kimikodo" or whatever was perhaps an American Indian name for this large lizard, which I realized was in fact a Komodo dragon, though the way I pictured it in my head, it was much smaller than a real dragon. Apparently it was an almost mythical creature that had had tall tales told about it out west, it was so feared and respected. The map or whatever it was might have depicted like a rock drawing of one. I don't know that I ever settled on any particular figurine.
I think I left. Again, the order is iffy, but there was a part where I was in something like a bus or train depot; now the location vaguely makes me think of Black River Elementary School, so maybe it was like the bus lane there. Again, nearly unfamiliar surroundings though the layout was similar to that, with a building/platform with an overhang/roof to the left (when facing the direction the buses/trains were coming from). I can't recall this well, just that there was something about a boy and a girl, maybe teenagers, meeting here clandestinely to run off together or some such. The place was almost empty but for several other people on the bus/train, and myself. We were all kind of like spectators watching these two meet up and embrace and then hop on the bus/train to flee and start a new life together or whatever. We were all supportive of what they were doing, and hoped things would go well; we might even have applauded as they left. One of the other passengers (I didn't seem to be onboard) might have been a skinhead type, but not the racist sort, just in appearance; he was a decent guy and rather cute, IMO. I might have followed the two as they left, though my own goal/location was going to be different.
Order again iffy. At some point I left a place kind of like a store, again kind of like the area near Plaza 27, so maybe this came earlier, though it might come later instead. I had the feeling of people being around and we weren't friends but we were friendly toward each other; I was on my own. I stepped out into a parking lot or something and it was winter or early spring, for there was snow and ice and slush and I was in a coat. As I stepped out, I felt as if something were draped over my shoulder and then pulled away; I looked back curiously. I think whatever it was had been done on accident. It had felt like a heavy cloth or drape. There were some black people involved in here, at least one big male (maybe bald) and at least one small boy (maybe with an Afro or puffy hair of some sort); they might have been related to each other. The kid/kids might have wandered out into the lot and the guy had to fetch them before they got hurt. All I know is there was a feeling of concern and familial care, but all turned out okay. I was touched by all this. Whatever had draped over my shoulder was related to this, like maybe one of the kids tossed a cloth over my shoulder as they ran outside; not sure. After making sure all was well I turned away once more and walked down the general equivalent of what would have been the downward slope of the parking lot/road toward Glen's.
Order again iffy. I left wherever I was, and was walking along with a purpose; I believe I wanted to walk to where my mother worked for some reason, like I used to do sometimes in junior high. I walked and walked and eventually discovered myself walking through what was supposed to be the local bookstore, the Log Mark, from back to front (the layout was different, longer, in the dream). I was almost out of the back area and toward the middle when it occurred to me, hey, I'm in the bookstore, I may as well browse the books while I'm here. So I halted and turned back, for the books I was more interested in looking at were in this back area, whose books were more geared toward younger readers. (In reality I don't browse that section much, but I was interested in the dream.) I saw, surprisingly, that the shelves were almost completely empty, and I knew that the people who worked here had cleared them out, either to make room for new stock or just to free up the room for now. It was more likely the latter, as there was a feeling that the place would be nearly empty for a while. It was as if those books had gone out of season or some such. I turned away and resumed my course through the store, coming now to rows of parallel shelves, about chest height and with books on both sides, similar to church pews or bus seats in how they were laid out. There were more books here, and I wanted to look at them, but the head employee--a woman maybe in her fifties or early sixties, short curly light brown or graying hair, large glasses, thin, somewhat short--was working on these, either stocking or unstocking (sic?) or taking inventory. Several times when I stopped to look at the shelves, she came up behind me, so I kept getting in her way and kept moving aside only for it to happen again. I was a bit flustered and I felt she was a tad annoyed but not overly so for it was obvious I was just trying to browse the books and she was just trying to do her job. Strangely, when I took these notes I almost referred to her as a "librarian," although this was not a library; I think that's significant though, so I mention it now. She was the one in charge of the books.
Feeling somewhat guilty, I again got out of her way. Rather than outright apologize, I decided to strike up a conversation. "I'm wondering what's going on with the books?" I asked her, or something to that extent. "I noticed it's just about empty back there. And you're working on them here, too."
"Yes," she said. "Books go in and out of season. There are particular times of the year when people read more and times when they read less."
"I imagine people don't read quite as much in the summer," I said.
"True. But they also don't read nearly as much in the winter."
"Really?" I was surprised. "I figured that would be when people would be reading the most, since they're usually stuck in the house because of the weather. I understand reading being down in summer since people are out at the beach and on vacation and all, but winter, too?"
"It's true. There are certain types of books that get much less readership in winter. Do you know what they are?"
"No, I don't. I'm guessing kids' books are among them?"
"Yes. Also vanilla fiction is out of season in the winter. People read a lot less mainstream fiction." She gestured at the shelves she was busy emptying of their mass-market paperbacks, by way of illustration. "Thus the reason why the shelves are being cleared."
"I honestly didn't know that," I said. "I never would've even guessed." At some point toward the end of our conversation, I lifted my head a little and just barely made eye contact with her; I believe her eyes were kind of a light brown, behind her glasses. I probably offered a small smile, told her thank you and goodbye, and went on my way.
I knew that by "vanilla fiction" (I recall that phrase specifically), she meant just what she'd said, mainstream fiction like that you typically find in mass-market paperbacks on any store shelf. Non-specialized fiction you can get anywhere, like in Wal-Mart. ("Vanilla" in its usage meaning plain, not outstanding, i. e., regular or generic.) That surprised me all the more, as those are the books that get snatched up the most frequently, "beach reads," so to learn that they were out of season in winter, when I'd expected readership to be highest, was news to me. I felt a twinge of sadness and disappointment that the state of things was this way, that readership went down both in summer and in winter--did people just not want to read anymore?--but I also felt a bit like I had butterflies in my stomach, a bit embarrassed, hoping I hadn't said the wrong thing or made myself look stupid, and I also felt some pride in myself, not only in that I'd initiated and held such a long conversation with somebody, but that I'd even made eye contact, however briefly--something I almost NEVER do. (I don't initiate conversations, either.) This was all quite an accomplishment for me, and I couldn't help the spring in my step as I left, even if the state of reading was rather woeful. I felt good that I'd done all that, what with my terrible social anxiety. (This part of the dream is the one that stuck with me most and convinced me to note this all down.)
Order again iffy. As I left someplace (this part is woefully vague now), I had to pass through something that was supposed to be like a police station, I think, except it was also like being on a TV/movie set. All I'm sure of is I felt I was trespassing, and I was being kind of furtive, stepping carefully through the place and trying to avoid being seen. I think it was supposed to be the set of something like NYPD Blue. I was wandering through the back of a sprawling building with lots of rooms and short narrow corridors, very utilitarian and rather unattractive, maybe with dark slate gray carpeting. It was mostly empty so easy to avoid people but I was still nervous. I can only go on what my vague notes say now; I seemed almost to become somebody else and I was caught back here where I shouldn't be. Perhaps I tried to pretend I was supposed to be there but it didn't work and I was taken to another part nearer the front of the building. Danny DeVito was there, perhaps as his character from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia; maybe he was meant to take the place of Dennis Franz? (David Caruso might have been around somewhere, ha.) I seemed more like to be watching now and my character was now an adult male, older than I am; he might have reminded me of Denis Leary. Kind of had an attitude. He was trying to think of a way out of this mess. I believe he asked Danny DeVito for his autograph as a means of flattering him; indeed flattered, DeVito said sure, he would give him an autograph. The phrase "tooled over in the second degree" or something similar (I know "second degree" was said or implied, and the word "tooled," but am not sure about "over"--the general meaning was the same though) was used and I got the impression this meant that the guy would get the autograph, yes, but he'd have to be worked over (i. e., roughed up) first as punishment for trespassing. So he hadn't quite succeeded in getting his way out of this. I'm not sure what was meant by the second degree; perhaps it merely wasn't as serious as first-degree tooling over?
They made their way outside this building; it was overcast but daytime, and didn't seem to be winter as I think there was a green lawn, and trees off to the sides. Nicely manicured and maintained. Here was one or more pro wrestlers; I think they were done up like Mexican wrestlers with the brightly colored masks and whatnot. I seem to recall the colors yellow and red, perhaps. From the looks of it, it was the wrestlers' job to "tool over" this guy. Although this was a vaguely threatening situation, it struck me as more humorous than anything, and even the guy who was to be tooled over was more irked than frightened.
Order once more iffy. I still wanted to walk to Ma's workplace, a silkscreening and embroidery shop. So I kept walking. Wherever I was leaving from, I knew it was just a short walk to there, but it was also a short walk to the Glen's supermarket, as it seemed I also wanted to go there; probably because the two are nearby, and I could go to the Glen's parking lot and then cross the street to reach Ma's workplace. (In reality, this is possible, but her workplace isn't directly across the street from Glen's; they seemed closer together in the dream.) So I had little anxiety about a long or confusing walk since I'd done this before. Thing was, as soon as I figured I'd reached the area of the parking lot, it wasn't there; I was in what looked to still be downtown, on a backstreet amongst various buildings and trees, and though I knew it was Cheboygan none of it looked familiar. It certainly wasn't where I thought I should be. I halted, confused, and glanced around. I'd been POSITIVE I'd be in the Glen's parking lot, so why wasn't I? I grew somewhat worried that I was lost, or else would get lost, but decided I could hardly go wrong if I just kept walking in the same direction; perhaps I'd eventually get there, even if I had no clue how things had changed so much.
A part I'm not sure where it goes. At one point, perhaps while I was wandering and trying to find the way to the parking lot, I ended up in a boarding house or some such. I think Ashton Kutcher might have been a resident. It was just this place with an upstairs and a downstairs and some people lived there. Perhaps there was some dark wood paneling on the walls. I seem to recall standing at the top of a flight of steps and looking down. It was a nice place but the lighting was a bit indirect and poor. There might have been something about a big escape plan so maybe it was kind of like a halfway house instead? Not sure, nor of how I got out of there or why I was there in the first place. Perhaps it was just one of several places I passed through.
Back to my search for the parking lot. As I already said, I'd thought I was just close to the Glen's parking lot, only to find that I was still downtown somewhere amongst a lot of buildings and had no idea where I was, so I had to keep looking. I hoped that if I headed in the general direction of where I assumed Glen's was, I would get there, and from there reach my mother's workplace. As I was walking around I came to an area unlike any part of Cheboygan; I was still downtown, but it was like a suburban area almost, lots of trees along quiet streets, sunny though the area I was in was in shade, nice houses set up a bit higher perhaps on a slope; a tad like Petoskey but not quite. I think I walked along the side of the street and then I was trying to find a sidewalk because I felt very ill at ease; I believe I had to pass over some grass and such before finally reaching a sidewalk, which was made of wood, not concrete. The wood was damp and worn, turning dark in areas, kind of an orangish-brown. It wasn't slats; it was big sections of squarish board or something. I rather liked it, but at some point when I was walking along it I went through a yard or else quite close; whatever it was, for some reason I felt I was trespassing. I think the person who owned this property was a popular musician. I felt he wouldn't be furious or mad at me or anything, but still, I hate trespassing, so I tried to be discreet and to hurry my way along. I felt rather guilty and despite the beauty and peacefulness of the place, I just wanted to get out of there and find the parking lot already!
Finally I reached what I believe was the Glen's parking lot, though it was somewhat different in layout; instead of a gradual incline up from the street, it was pretty steep, a virtual hill. I entered the lot from the side opposite Wal-Mart, i. e., from the direction of the sheriff's department/county building, and headed toward what was from here a decline, presumably so I could cross the street and make my way to Ma's workplace. Now it was winter again, very much so; it was gray and overcast, cloudy, and the entire lot was slushy with half-melted snow, and there were big snowbanks that had been plowed up around the perimeter of the lot and I think I was bundled up in my coat again. Just really gloomy weather, and the slushy snow was so gross to me. I halted at the top of this steep hill; it hadn't been plowed recently, so there was still plenty of snow through which ran the tracks of numerous cars. Really gross and slushy. I had to get down this but wasn't sure how. The only way was to just slide down, so that I did, on my feet, trying to keep my balance so I wouldn't fall over and get soaked. I was surprised, even in the dream, when I mostly succeeded in keeping on my feet the entire way down, not sliding too fast, managing to keep my balance and control my speed though toward the end I think I tilted back a little and might have slid a bit on my behind or wavered somewhat. In any case, I safely reached the bottom without incident, and now I was going to head off to the silkscreening/embroidery place to meet up with my mother.
I believe this was the ending scene of the dream, though I'm not sure, perhaps it was the pro wrestler scene or even one of the others. This order makes the most sense, though, so that's how I'm sharing it.
Real-life associations: I kind of have a crush on the character of Jim Halpert; he just strikes me as the ideal boyfriend. Please see "My Boyfriend, AKA, Perfect Love." As I mentioned, the little animal figurines remind me of toys I used to love playing with when little, and sometimes wish I could still play with.
Being able to chat with the bookstore woman was a really good feeling and would have represented an amount of progress in the real world, something which has been on my mind a lot, especially considering that my psychologist is hinting at cutting me loose from treatment altogether since I'm not getting any better. Perhaps the declining readership of books reflects my own despair at my own lack of readership, though I'm not sure.
My mother's workplace: My mother's boss recently and abruptly died, leaving the future state of her workplace in limbo since she didn't keep very good order of such things. So far my mother's still working there, and she and her part-time coworker have really organized the place nicely (it was like a hoarder's place, before), but it's still rather a source of worry. I used to occasionally walk to her former workplace, a store called Rivertown Cargo, when I was in junior high, but they went out of business ages ago and in fact the building they used to be in, which has sat vacant and filling up with water and mold for years, was torn down last year or so. Crossing the street downtown is a dread of mine; I've done so only once, and was fortunate that a driver slowed down so I could jog across, which was embarrassing since everything of mine jiggles. So I refuse to walk from the mental health place to there when she's suggested it in the past.
