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I had a pretty disturbing dream last night. It seemed to take place at the area that used to be a mall, but has since been converted into state offices. In the dream I seem to have lost all the hair on top of my head, and the hair on my temples was grey, and I had a bit of a belly sticking out. I was very self concious about the huge bald spot. I remember at some point being outside and seeing where someone had a little garage sale thing going on. They had placed their stuff on a blanket on the sidewalk. Among the things were a few hats. But they were so shoddy and beat up looking even I didn't want to wear them, not even if they covered my bald spot. Someone accuses me of something. I forget what it was. It wasn't like a crime or anything, but whatever it was, it was because they didn't know my hair had fallen out, and I was really upset about it. When they realized I wasn't "faking" (I seem to recall this was part of the accusation, whatever it was) they were quiet, but didn't appologize. I walk around hoping no one I know sees me. I can't believe I look like this. I see myself in a mirror and I look so silly. I have this sort of Bozo the clown hair do, and a gut sticking out, and wearing something that really looked more like a old bowling shirt or something. I felt really embarrassed, but didn't know how I could make it better. I hated how I looked.
I don't know what this dream could mean, but it really bothered me a lot.
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I am outside in the afternoon. I am in a place that is familiar to me in the dream but I don't recognize it after the fact. It seems I am walking someone's dog. I think it was a sort of small dog white with brown spots. Somewhere along the way I find a lost balloon. It seems ot be one of those silver mylar sort, in some sort of oddball shape. It had gotten caught on a fence. I unwind the string and take it with me as I walk the dog up a wide tan clay road. On either side of the road is tall yellow and green grass, and I am making way up the road to a big farm to the people who own the dog. I look up at my balloon and it's very high up in the sky. I hadn't realized how long the string was. I feel it tug very hard, but it doesn't rip out of my hand. Then a wind suddenly pressed the ballon back to the ground visiously. Far up the road and to the left I see the balloon crash to the ground, but when it bounces up I am amazed that somehow the string on the balloon has apparently cracked off and carried away a very large portion of what appears to be a cement sidewalk. I see the balloon rise up in the air with the huge chunk of cement hanging from it. The balloon doesn't seem dragged down by the weight, which much have been about a ton of cement. But the wind blows it around, and I watch with increasing anxiety the big chunk of cement headed for a small wooden house on the right side of the road. I also notice that somehow the dog I was walking is also caught up on that end of the ballon with the big block of cement. I worry the dog will be killed either by getting crushed by the cement block or by being strangled on the leash and collar. I see a few people off in the distance looking up at the block headed their way. They seem to run around and panic trying to prepare for impact. It's obvious the block is headed right for the house. I watch as it crashed into the structure smashing it into bits. I am still holding the other end of the balloon and feeling responsible for all of this. For a while I wonder if I should keep hold of the string or let it go and pretend I had nothing to do with it. I realize that although I might be able to get away with that except the dog would definitely be traced back to me. I let it go anyway. I wonder how I am goign to talk my way out of this, if it ends up that I have to.
I think the balloon is somehow some sort of aspect of myself, a part that maybe too strong and undisciplined to be trusted. The dog might represent my regular self, that I recognize everyday. I am not sure what the big chunk of cement could be. Whatever it was it was very heavy, but didn't represent anything that could hinder me personally (if the balloon is indeed somehow an aspect of myself) but because of it I could unintentionally wreck something, another house, i.e. another smaller more meek part of myself, as I think houses and the like represent either the self or certain aspects of the self. I would guess the balloon would be a higher more superior part of me.
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This dream is really baffeling, even while I was dreaming it. It was semi-lucid, I say semi-lucid
because although I was at least somewhere aware of this being a dream, I forget sometimes, until I
remember again. AT first I am walking along somewhere with my co worker Rob, and he's telling me
something. It's completely bizarre, and I am actually quite offended by what he's saying. It's like
he's telling me what I am about to do. Apparently I was walking into somekind of I don't know
magical porthole, and when I get there things are going to change, and this and that is going to
happen and this and that is what I am going to do. At this time I am not lucid and think Rob is full
of shit, because he never talks like this. He says that when I go into this place I am going to
somehow turn into a man, and that I am going to be on a ship where I am going to steal a very
important letter from a woman, and that there is very valuable information in that letter than I am
going to use to get to something before the woman can. He even tells me the details that the letter
is going to come from the woman's sister, and he tells me exactly where I will find the letter, on
the table between her and her friend who she will be talking to when I steal the letter. I think
there was more stuff he said but I was getting increasingly aggitated by all of this, and disgusted
with him for thinking any of this. But I keep going along the same path and bang! Suddenly
everything is as he said it would be. The ship was a luxury ship, it was almost like a mansion on
the water. I don't think I could say I was lucid, rather aware something unusual was going on, and
that this isn't normal reality. I remmeber the letter, and look across one of the rooms and see the
two women chatting happily with each other, and I can even see the opened letter sitting on the
table, currently not being read. For some reason I can't resist the temptation of stealing the
letter. I forget my reasoning, but I do this by walking the longest way possible around the dinning
area towards their table, and by pretending to bump into the table I use that diversion to snatch
the letter and stuff it in my pocket. I get away with it, but now I need to find a place where I can
read the letter without anyone seeing me. I figure the woman is going to eventually notice her
letter is missing and look for it. I thought maybe that she'd recognize the paper if she happened to
see me reading it at one of the tables. I attempt to find a bathroom but it's too dark in there and
the letter seems to be written too lightly, so it's no good, I then think I should look for a book,
and put the letter within it and then no one could see I was reading the letter. I happen across a
man who had a book on his table. It has a black cover and it happens to be a copy of Dracular. I
tell him I would really like to have a copy of that book, and I thought he might just let me borrow
it, but he won't, he will offer to sell it to me. I don't think I have any money on me, and I tell
him so, while I am digging around in my pockets to see what I do have. I seem to have a lot of real
gold somethings. They don't look like coins, but maybe they were buttons. They have a design on
them, I want to say there are animals on the button like things, but I forget now. The man seems to
accept them as payment, and he trades me the book for some of the gold buttons. I never do read the
letter, and I forget what happens after I buy the book.
I distinctly remember the title of the book, though I have never read Dracula. I am thinking that
this must have been a past life incident, and that a guide was taking the apperance of my co-worker.
It was just all too well conceived. I felt really bad after I stole the woman's letter. I forget
what sort of valuable information was in it.