Date of dream: Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness: 
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4509 times.
I had this dream during a brief nap I took this morning. I think it was after my cat woke me up trying to break into my room; I dozed off for about another twenty minutes, and had this dream.
I don't remember the beginning, if there was one, but I ended up walking outside (I was in some strange location I've never seen before) onto this long winding paved trail, like a sidewalk. It was snowing and overcast and the land was kind of open but hilly and rolling around me; there were trees not too far ahead, like a pine forest. The ground descended slightly from whatever building I was in and this paved path wound off ahead as well. I think it was kind of tannish colored rather than gray, and mostly clear. I get the feeling my parents had left for somewhere maybe for a few days and I was alone now, and, perhaps trying to stave off the feelings of loneliness, I was looking for something to do to distract myself.
I bundled up and went out onto this path because some roundish things went rolling down it. They were dark grayish-brown and resembled animal pellets of some kind...roughly round shaped, about the size of golfballs and rather smooth. Maybe like big kidney stones. I believe they were meant to be truffles or some other edible item and I went outside to sweep them back up this path and collect them and eat them later.
As I said the little round things seemed to go bouncing and rolling down the path, but then I was sweeping them ahead of me in the other direction, back toward the building. Confusing. I had a big wide broom like the kind a janitor might use; we used to have one like it in real life. It was about as wide as the narrow little path and I just swept these roundish objects ahead of me, maybe humming or something in a casual manner. I felt very lonely, but I was trying hard not to let it get to me.
Somehow I swept these things up somewhere, maybe into a bag or something? Then I started sweeping again at a part of the path I hadn't done yet, closer to the building, and here it got snowy. I think before the path had been mostly clear but now it was covered with this thick wet snow and there weren't very many of the round things anymore. The sweeping became hard and now there were some dead leaves and such as well, where the path hadn't been cleared. Still I pushed the broom as hard as I could; I might as well clean off the path while I was doing this. I swept a few of the little roundish things ahead of me but as I pushed, one of them bounced off the right side of the path and down into the snow beside it. (Earlier the snow had formed little banks alongside the path, but here the path seemed elevated above most of the snow.) "Ohhh," I said in disappointment, but decided to try to retrieve it anyway.
The little ball kind of rolled out of sight or sank into the snow or something, so I wasn't sure where it had gone. I poked at the snow a bit with the brush or with my boot. I saw a bit of a shelf/crusting of ice, and a little darkish hole the "truffle" might have gone down, just a melted spot it might have fallen into. I poked a little more and thought I saw something move. Was something alive down there? Curious, I poked again and then stood to watch. What had moved before now poked out again and as it squirmed its way out I realized it was a white rat.
I watched it crawl out of the snow. It wasn't pristine white, but more of a dirty white, I think; and though I later thought about it being albino, its eyes seemed to be dark, not red. I wondered what a tame-looking rat was doing out here in the snow? It didn't belong here; it must have been an escaped pet or something. It was going to get all wet crawling around like that. I felt sorry for it being out in the snow by itself like I was, so I somehow picked it up--maybe with the broom or with a shovel or something--being careful not to touch it as it could bite, and brought it into the building with me.
I don't remember much of the building as it was unfamiliar; maybe it was some sort of lodge I was supposed to be staying at? There was this one smallish area with a golden wooden floor, shiny and waxed, maybe with white walls...maybe a foyer or something. I remember leaning against the right wall (kind of facing the door) and doing something with my boots, maybe taking them off...I think the floor was wet from snow. Snow-wet, dirty floors always depress me in real life, and it was no different here. :/ I still had the white rat but I think it was crawling around on a shelf or in the window or something. I believe this was the part where I wondered what an albino rat was doing in the wild, then wondered, is it even really albino with its dark eyes like that? All I knew was it didn't look like a wild rat and so it didn't belong on its own, out in the snow. It must have been escaped or abandoned.
I can't recall how this part went very well, but as I was observing it I found another rat, perhaps crawling around on the floor or down the wall; this one was dark brown. It looked more like a wild rat, but it acted as tame as the first one, so I felt it didn't belong wandering around on its own, either. I was just as careful collecting this one--they acted friendly, but I didn't know where they'd come from and didn't wish to get rabies or anything, so I used something else to pick it up and I think I put it with the white rat. Maybe I set them together in the window? I'm not sure, but I paired them together and looked at them in puzzlement. Just like me they were apparently on their own now, and I was genuinely perplexed as to how they had ended up in this state, the poor things. :/
This dream was immediately remembered and was very clear on awakening, though as I type it up now, a little while later, it's a little bit muddled. I can still see it pretty well in my head though.
This dream may have been slightly influenced by something which happened in real life a couple of days ago. While watching the chickadees feed on our porch, I noticed something poke out of a little melted hole in the snow. It was just a little gray head--it snatched a seed and just as quickly vanished again, and though I watched it didn't return. I believe it was a mole or something.
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Date of dream: Monday, December 22, 2003
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4340 times.
This is vague by now and remains only in separate little scenes, but I'll try to make the most sense of it that I can.
Somehow, for some undetermined reason, dinosaurs were again alive and living in the middle of this big city. I don't know where it was nor what had happened to make this so; I sense it was some sort of genetic/scientific thing like in Jurassic Park, only instead of being secluded on an island, the dinosaurs were among people. And yes, they had run amok. Again, I don't know how. I get the feeling a substantial percentage of the human population had been killed off already by these things, as everywhere I went I was either alone or in the company of only one or two other people, who themselves seemed to be on their own. This dream was a LOT more frightening than Jurassic Park.
Like I said, all my memories of the dream are just disconnected scenes. In one scene, I remember seeing maybe a ballpark or racetrack in the middle of the city. It was empty. I don't know what this location's significance was; maybe I was just passing it. The emptiness of the place spooked me. I hated how alone I felt.
In another scene, I stood at a gas station, I believe, and I looked way, WAY up to see a giant brontosaur-type dinosaur lumbering past behind the building, slightly to my left. The building was big and brownish and this dinosaur just went on FOREVER! I saw only its neck and head and they were so immensely HIGH! I say "brontosaur-type" as I think brontosaurs are now called apatosaurs, and this thing was so HUGE that I think it must have been a bigger relative of that species--a diplodocus? I'm rusty on my dinosaur names, sorry. ^_^; I don't remember it having that bump over its nose, but then again its head was so high up I didn't get a good look at it. All I know is it seemed so much bigger than even a dinosaur was supposed to be! What a massive creature!
I didn't see its legs, but I had the feeling that it was going to walk over the station (even though it seemed to be beside/behind it), and I started feeling anxious that it would step on me on its way through. It was a plant eater, harmless, unless you got in its way! I stood down in front of the station and glanced around, wondering which way I should go. I got an image of a giant flat dinosaur foot coming down nearby, but it might have been just my imagination as I don't remember the creature actually getting that close. I was just so panicked that I would be crushed without a thought by this thing.
The third and most substantial scene regarded myself trying to escape a tyrannosaurus rex. I think I ran into some building and met a younger (teenage?) girl along the way, but I don't remember how I interacted with her. In one part I (we?) crouched in a hallway, maybe near a vending machine or something, and for some weird reason a thought about Sarah McLachlan, the singer, passed through my head; there was no noise, but I got the feeling her song "Fallen" would be playing as a sort of weird background to this scene, and part of me thought something like, "Yeah, go figure that Sarah McLachlan music would be the backdrop for something like this!" Can't really explain that part; it was rather surreal. :/ Then I was on my own (if I'm in fact getting this right) and going through this building. I ran into a back room and started looking for places to hide. It's like the dinosaur could get in without crushing the building--like it had no roof and the tyrannosaur could just peer in--can't really explain it. Just like in Jurassic Park, I knew I had to stay VERY STILL else the dinosaur would find me--yet I wanted to make sure to conceal myself as best I could, just in case. So I found a little chair and pulled it over my back, as if that would protect me. Well, it was better than nothing.
Only somehow in this part, a little boy appeared--like maybe four years old or so--and I knew he was alone like I was (and like the girl had been). So I decided to protect him too, and maybe I put him under a chair. I think he was black, just this poor little kid. (The girl might have been a redhead but I'm not sure.) We seemed to be in some office building, or maybe it was the gas station? All dim, like the lights were off, and grayish; we were in a back office, very spare and utilitarian but also a bit messy, probably because of the dinosaur takeover. We were right near the open door which was to my left (I faced the left side of the room--it was longer on entry, front to back (where a window might have been?), than it was wide, side to side), and I urged the boy to silence as we crouched under our chairs. And then we stayed VERY STILL. I never saw the tyrannosaur itself but I knew it was near, and I stayed as still as I could when I felt its huge nostril right beside me. It snorted, and sniffed, but I knew if I remained still it would go on its way. The thing is, I seem to remember my ankle bobbing or something, but apparently the dinosaur didn't notice that, as I guess it moved on, and we were spared.
A fourth scene had me still with the boy and I was somewhere--maybe home?--and I wanted very much to take a bath. I even went into the bathroom and to the tub, but then I thought, what would happen if I got the tub all filled up, got all settled in, and then...boom...boom...boom...I noticed the water start to tremble...and a dinosaur appeared, and I was killed just like that because I couldn't go running, if I was wet and naked in the tub? I was going to put the little boy on lookout even though I was a bit anxious he'd come in and see me (yes, despite the apocalyptic nature of the dream I still had modesty!), but if I got undressed and got in I'd still be unprepared if something like the tyrannosaur showed up again. I stood agonizing over this. I really wanted a bath, but in these times, I couldn't afford to be so unprepared.
And in a fifth scene--or more like a feeling I had, as I don't have any visual memories associated with it, it could have taken place during the previous scene or the one before that--I felt relief that I had escaped the tyrannosaurus rex, but then I thought, what will I do if some VELOCIRAPTORS show up?? :( The brontosaur-type thing was nothing to fear if I stayed out of its way, and I felt I could outrun the tyrannosaur if worse came to worst, but raptors are VERY fast and unlike the tyrannosaur, they can see well (at least that's what I believed--in Jurassic Park I don't remember sitting still working on them!) and staying very still would not make them go away! Plus they attack in GROUPS! I felt suddenly terrified that, now that I had escaped the first two dinosaurs, I would only fall prey to the next. It was such an awful feeling. I finally just decided that if some raptors appeared, I would simply let them kill and eat me. There would be no way I could protect myself from them anyway. The thought of them tearing me apart was a very fearsome one. I just hoped it would be quick. :(
This dream may have been influenced by my viewing of the Discovery Channel's Dinosaur Planet: Little Das's Hunt the other night. The program featured an ancestor of the tyrannosaurus rex, a daspletosaur, stalking a maiasaur, with a resulting volcanic eruption wiping all of the involved dinosaurs out. I found that ending quite depressing, personally. o_o The program concluded like seven million years later, with a tyrannosaur stalking a descendant of the maiasaur all over again.
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Date of dream: Thursday, December 11, 2003
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4533 times.
This was the same dream as "The Woman Who Loved A Polar Bear," but there was a big shift in plot.
OY, was this a very uncomfortable dream! o_o;;; You see, in real life I write erotica--most of it quite graphic, and much of it "yaoi"--male/male, or gay themed. I even have an entire fantasy series which features numerous M/M pairings, and while I try to make this writing as good as I try to make my regular writing--with plot and indepth characterization--it's something I have NOT told anyone in my family about. My parents likely believe me to be very prudish, which I am, and are surprised when I swear, which is something I have done only a couple of times when REALLY pissed off--so if they knew I write hardcore gay erotica, they would probably FREAK! There is a part of me that wishes I could just tell them and get it out in the open--I mean, so I write adult writing, so big whoop, I'm almost thirty years old already and it's not like I'm acting it out or anything--plus a tiny part of me wonders if they would actually like this writing?--but I'm just too terrified of how they would react. Add to this the very frustrating fact that both of my parents seem to have some issues with gay people (they don't out-and-out say they hate them, but Dad makes "queer" jokes on occasion, Ma insists every effeminate man is "a fluff," and both parents frequently allude to gay stereotypes), so that would just make matters worse if they found out exactly what KIND of erotica I prefer writing. Imagine this, me, being a closeted writer of a theme which is often closeted. ^_^;;
Well anyway...in this dream, Ma and I were seated in a restaurant like Big Boy, during the daytime (light outside but maybe overcast), talking about the episode of CSI or CSI: Miami we had just seen, with the woman who was in love with a polar bear. (See "The Woman Who Loved A Polar Bear".) I have written down "looking in pockets?" but I can't remember that; maybe I was digging around in my coat pockets for something as I spoke. I was talking as if Ma had not seen the show, and I said something like, "They showed what must have been THE makeout session of ALL makeout sessions..." I was about to proceed to describe the whole scene with the bear to Ma, but she then interrupted me and DAMN did this dream go downhill.
"That REMINDS me!" she cut in, in a sharp voice. I looked up and saw how she glared at me. I think she might have been wearing her glasses but I'm not sure. I just gave her a blank look and her look grew even more disapproving and she said, "Tjatit!"--as if that meant something.
I think even before she said the name, I was beginning to suspect what was going on. In real life all my erotica is saved right on the hard drive if she wants to look long enough. When she said "Tjatit," I grew confused--part of me was filled with dread, KNOWING she knew, while the other part was wondering, what the hell does "Tjatit" mean? Now this is rather odd, because I suspected this name had some meaning in particular for my erotica series, the Ameni Chronicles (the one I mentioned above). That story is set in ancient Egypt and all the characters have names that at least sound Egyptian (in fact most are made up). "Tjatit" is an Egyptian-sounding name. But I don't have any characters with that name in the story. I did a search at Google, but came up only with foreign pages, none of them having to do with Egypt...but I just opened up a Wordpad file I have saved in which I jotted down some made-up names for potential characters in the series, and...the name Tjat'it is among them. It's a name I have not used yet, but I created it, and it must have been lurking in my subconscious for Ma to mention it in my dream. Yet I have no clue why my brain would have chosen THAT particular name out of the eighteen I currently have listed; the only thing I know about it is that it sounds like a female name. Very, very weird.
Anyway, in the dream--as I said part of me was very confused and did not know exactly what Ma meant by "Tjatit." However, another part of me knew she had discovered my erotica and this name had something to do with it. I don't think it was the name of a character; maybe it was a name I had given the erotica itself, like a secret word or code word or something? Not sure. I believe that I had used the word when referring to my erotica in a journal entry or something, which meant she either found the writing or she had looked at my journal and then found it from there. Whichever it was, she knew a WHOLE lot more than I wanted her to!
I just continued staring at her blankly and decided to be truthful, if not entirely forthright. "I'm trying to remember what that is...?" I said in a calm voice, which was true, since I wasn't positive what the word alluded to in the dream. Ma just looked even MORE pissed off and I can't recall specifically what she said next, but I had been right--she'd seen me mention my adult writing in one of my computer files, and might have then found the writing itself. I don't know if she found the Ameni Chronicles or not--part of me, while feeling absolutely humiliated and terrified that she had found my adult writing, was still hoping she hadn't found THAT particular series as it's the most graphic of them all and has so much M/M sex in it!! >_<; I never did find out for certain whether she'd seen the Chronicles or not, but this was bad enough as it was. She KNEW!
She stared ranting now, and saying some things that didn't even make sense. I was actually wondering if she was joking with me, some of her comments were so ludicrous. At one point she snapped, "You're fired!"--I looked at her hard to see if there was any humor in her eyes, but I couldn't see any. Maybe she'd just lost it or something. o_O Or didn't know how to throw a rational fit. In any event, I finally responded, throwing my hands up in the air.
"Yes, I write adult writing! So there!" I exclaimed. Well, at least it was finally out in the open!
"No you don't!" she barked back at me. By that I knew she meant, "You're not going to ANYMORE!" or "You'd BETTER not still be writing it!" as it was obvious, hello, yes I DID write it! Then she snapped, "I won't read it!"
"You don't have to," I replied, really praying that that would be the end of it. "I keep it separate from my PG-13 writing so people who don't want to read that sort of thing won't come across it."
"Good!" She still glared at me, and I knew she wasn't going to just let it slide. She was still really, really pissed off. I felt absolutely miserable, just like I wanted to die. Which I did!
"I talk about it in my journal," I said. I'm not sure why I said this, as it would just invite more trouble--I hate talking to her about my journal in real life as once she actually came across it online and read a few entries--I still don't know the extent of what she read, but she read enough to advise me to "stop bitching"--I was HORRIFIED! My journal is ALSO saved to the hard drive so there's another thing to worry about. (I know, I just invite trouble to myself, but I need to save them SOMEWHERE...) I also knew she would not like the thought of me blathering about adult writing to any old person who should happen to read my journal--my parents are both very paranoid in real life and if they knew even HALF of what I yap about in my journal, they'd blow a fuse. So why I said this to Ma, I'm not sure. I know I had some valid point, but I just can't for the life of me remember it.
"I don't READ that," she said with disgust.
"You did once!" I shot back. I think that just got her even more pissed off than she already was. UGH, this was not going well at all.
I can't quite describe the weird vibe I got from her all throughout this dream. It's the feeling that she was not angry about this for the reason I thought she would be, but I can't be sure of that. I can't be sure of WHAT was making her angriest. Maybe she was angrier about the fact that I was actually sharing this writing with strangers online, than about the fact that I wrote the stuff at all. It could have been the other way around, but I think that's what it was--she was even more pissed off that I showed this stuff to other people I didn't even know. With the way she feels about EVERYONE online--she's angry that I share my REGULAR writing, as she insists every reader who says they enjoy my stories is only out to steal them and make money for themselves, a belief which I find very hurtful rather than flattering--I wouldn't be surprised if this was why she was so angry in the dream. It might have been a "You don't even share this stuff with US, why the hell are you sharing it with total STRANGERS?" reaction. But as I said, for some reason I could not get a clear read on exactly what she was thinking--remember I was trying very hard to determine whether she was joking or exaggerating or not--so my confusion and anxiety were very great. We were still simmering and shooting each other dirty looks and snapping things at each other when I awoke.
And I'm glad I did because I do not think that dream could have gotten any better! If I ever had even the teeniest thought of sharing that writing with my family, that thought is even teenier than ever now, if THAT'S the way they would react! :(
This dream might have also been related to or part of "The Disowned Son."
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