Date of dream: Tuesday, December 24, 2002
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness: 
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4369 times.
I had a horrid, horrid dream yesterday, but I put it off so much that it's badly faded. As always. *sigh* It was so awful that when I woke up I almost wanted to cry, and I had that creepy feeling of not wanting my feet to touch the floor lest something pop out from under my bed and grab me. You know it's bad when I expect that to happen in the middle of the day.
I can't remember the beginning, as it started very innocuous. I was in some kind of store or public place with others and I seem to remember a blond lady...very cheerful, possibly college age...and something...something with colors...rainbow colors...like long glass tubes. And a big sheet of canvas. Sliding on it, or sliding down it, in this public area. Almost like a fair ride. Kind of scary, but fun. There's something else I should remember but I can't.
Somehow, I ended up back at home. And nobody seemed to be with me. I can't remember the details of how this went; sorry. A cat--Cosmas, or Pepper--was with me, wandering around at random, and that was all. It was the dead of winter and cold outside, overcast; there were no lights on in the house; maybe even the power was out. I started to wander around, wondering what was going on.
And I started coming across bodies.
Dead bodies, yes. I don't remember them wearing clothes...but they had been here a while. Their skin was mottled and discolored, pasty with patches of ugly purple. I gasped on first seeing them piled around haphazardly against the walls as if they had simply fallen where they stood. I don't think I ever questioned WHO all these people were, or how they had died...I just dreaded being alone in this house with them, and I may have called out loudly, hoping somebody else besides me was alive. My mom, my dad, anybody.
I grew panicked, and resolved not to look at the bodies; if I didn't look at them, it wouldn't be so bad. But every time I turned away from one, there would be another one. It was so awful. I made it to my room somehow and I don't recall there being any bodies in there; I started to change, I think. (Clothing, I mean.) I had my boots but they had fur in them now (my real boots don't); I was wiping snow OUT of them with my hand, and it was sticking pretty well in the toe sections of my boots. It wasn't even melting that much. I finally managed to sweep out as much as I could; I wanted my boots to be moderately dry.
The dream shifted a bit so I was instead in my parents' room, or rather, my dad's room, now, standing beside the bed. It was so dim and overcast, and there were bodies around me again. I was starting to go crazy by now. I talked aloud to the cat, and made plans. I was apparently the last person, anywhere, left alive. This knowledge made my mind nearly snap. I stood putting on heavy clothing and made my plans. "I've long wanted to walk along the railroad tracks in winter, Kitty," I said (or something to that extent). "I've always been afraid of the cold though. But if I bundle up enough, I can make it. We'll go for a long, long walk. Along the highway. We'll keep walking. Nobody can stop us. We'll walk as long and as far as we've ever wanted."
The whole time I grinned maniacally, desperately trying to avoid looking at the rotting bodies all around me. A feeling of horrible, awful loneliness sank down over me...I was the last person left, about to wander off into the cold and snow, off into God knows where...but anything, even total loneliness, was better than being HERE with these awful bodies. Being in the middle of nowhere in the dead of winter was far better than being surrounded by death and KNOWING for a fact that I was all alone.
I finished doing up my coat and got ready to scoop up the cat, hoping he'd (she'd?) comply, and leave my only home once and for all. I felt my parents were among the dead. As well as everyone else. I was afraid of catching whatever they'd had, if it was in fact a disease; I don't ever remember smelling the smell of death as I have before in my dreams, though. I remember at one point I glanced out the window, slightly opened, to see the condition of things outside, and I felt a distinctly cold gust of air brush over my face before pulling away. I usually can't feel the cold in my dreams.
And as I turned around to leave I tried so, so very hard not to look at those bodies...but they were everywhere...I felt that if I continued to see them I would go truly mad...but they were everywhere I turned...I couldn't avoid them no matter how hard I tried...
I never did get to leave that house before I woke up...what a hideous dream. Unfortunately I have no clue what it means or why it came when it did. It seems to indicate I'm surrounded by or immersed in some unpleasantness that I don't want to see, but can't avoid. But what is it?
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Date of dream: Sunday, December 22, 2002
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4319 times.
At about a quarter after one I lay down to take a little nap; I awoke at about a quarter after two, about ready to cry. I had had no fewer than THREE nightmares all in a row. It was so awful! I've NEVER had that many in a row like that, much less in one NIGHT. Also, my dream memory hasn't been very vivid lately, but these were clear--at least, right after I had them. I'll try to put them down in writing here before they're gone.
Keep in mind that all of this took place in about the space of one hour.
In the first one, I was seated at the computer doing something when I heard teeny squeaking noises coming from beside me, under the table. They were more murmurs than squeaks, but very tiny. I paused to listen to them and eventually thought, "Whatever that is, it sounds very cute. Maybe if I try to flush it out I can catch it." So I poked around under the table until I flushed out the source--a RAT! It was a full-size, yet young, brown and white rat--mostly brown with a patch or two of white, one large patch on its butt. How great! A tame rat! Suddenly wishing for a pet such as this--I missed Katchoo, my old rat--I snatched it up and tried to hold on to it. It had been feral for a while, running about loose, so it squirmed a lot. It wasn't vicious, though, just VERY squirmy. I went into the living room with my new rat and had to find a place to house it. It bit me all of once or twice during the whole dream, but it felt like just a pinch. Didn't hurt at all.
By the time I got into the living room and started looking around--Dad was seated on the couch watching TV--the rat I held was somewhat smaller, about mouse sized. I kept picking up different strange containers and trying to put the rat in them, but it would never fit. I got a shoebox of Ma's from the kitchen and it was SO teeny! "Go figure that the ONE time I need a shoebox, this is the only size there is!" I snapped, and tossed it away. A bigger shoebox was no go, as it had no lid or some such. I tried some kind of plastic container, but nope, the rat kept squirming its way out of things. Finally I spotted Katchoo's old carrier. It had been too small for her to LIVE in (I used it to transport her), but it would be just right for the new rat, which was the size of a small mouse. But it still had some old stuff of Katchoo's in it--shavings and cardboard bits and such--and I had to clean it. I put the rat in a little container and set it on the end table next to Dad, telling him to keep an eye on it. I think I tried to balance something atop the container to hold it down, like a stick/rod or something, but the rat kept moving and it wasn't working. I told Dad I'd be back as soon as possible.
(At some point in this dream my cat, Cosmas, was tagging after me and I had to lock him away somewhere for a moment so he wouldn't get my rat. Dad started to threaten him with bodily harm but I told him not to.)
I ran into the bathroom with the carrier and went to the tub to wash it out. But MA had been in here already, and was using the tub to soak some dirty drapes! They were lying beneath the tap, all wet and soapy. Well, I was sorry, but I couldn't wait. I started the water and stuck the carrier under it, letting the water gush into it, sweeping out the shavings and cardboard; I'd considered throwing them away, I think, but I either washed them down the drain or tossed them out on the porch--both bad moves in real life. I didn't care much here as I was in a hurry. The first batch of water that gushed out of the container was opaque yellow and it splashed the drapes; I knew this was because of the urine Katchoo had left in the container long ago. I rinsed this out just as Ma came in, and I hastily told her I was sorry, but I needed to get it clean. I grabbed the container and the lid, both dripping wet, and I can't remember exactly what happened now, but I did end up going to go get the rat.
Dad still sat beside it, but it had escaped! Luckily it was still in the immediate vicinity of the container, and hadn't gone very far; I scooped it up and went with it to the bathroom so I could keep an eye on it there. By now, it was VERY tiny indeed, maybe the size of a large beetle. When I went into the bathroom it was so small that I could place it under a little plastic cap, and that I did (a smoky clear cap), on the edge of the sink. Then I left for just a minute, I think maybe to get paper towels to dry out the carrier.
I returned a moment later, to find Cosmas sitting in the doorway staring down the hall. Immediately anxiety arose inside me. I went into the bathroom and saw the little cap upended, and the tiniest, tiniest corpse lying next to it...it was my rat...it was no longer than a raisin now...and it was dead. Cosmas had killed it. I very carefully picked it up...and though I felt silly, as I had had it for only a very short while, I began to sob so very loudly. I had wanted it as a pet, so badly, and because of my negligence, it was now dead.
Dad again threatened Cosmas, saying he'd kill him. (He sounded very neutral and unconcerned, but I believed him.) I sat in the hallway and told him that wasn't necessary. I wasn't mad at Cosmas; he'd just acted as cats do. I was mad at myself for leaving the rat unattended when I KNEW there was danger. I just sat with this teeny-tiny corpse and bawled my eyes out. I wished I could have had it as a pet, but I couldn't even care for it properly.
(I find it very weird how the rat SHRANK throughout the course of the dream, until it was almost gone.)
If they were not the same dream, this then shifted into "Missed Sun Dogs."
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Date of dream: Sunday, December 22, 2002
Level of Lucidity: N/A
Level of Cohesiveness:
Lucid Intent? No
This dream has been viewed 4305 times.
If they were not the same dream, this then shifted out of "The Amazing Shrinking Rat."
Ma and I seemed to be with a group of students and their teacher--probably young teens. We were on a grassy slope overlooking a beach. I knew we had come here on some sort of trip and it was similar to the city beach. Ma stayed behind, but I went walking down toward the water to get a better look. It was cold out, and cloudy.
Directly on the sand stood a woman and her child, possibly her daughter, the woman with her arm over her child's shoulders. They were staring back at the group and possibly getting their picture taken. I discovered that someone, a member of their family (the woman's husband?) had drowned nearby, so that was why they were here and so somber looking. All through this the teacher kept talking, but I mostly ignored her. Everybody turned somewhat to the right, and now I saw a SPECTACULAR sight in the sky!
It was a sun dog!
A "sun dog" is a kind of optical illusion that makes it look like there are two or more suns in the sky; basically, it's a ball of light reflecting on the clouds or some such. The sky was full of dark gray stormy-looking clouds, but at the horizon where the sky met the water (it looked like Lake Huron), there was first a huge sun pillar/column, then, to the right of that, a sun dog, in brilliant silver lit with gold. They were so incredibly BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't have the camera on me--Ma had that--so I turned toward her and motioned her to come and give it to me. She nodded--but stayed where she was, and lifted it to her own face. She had misunderstood me, and thought I wanted HER to take the pictures. She's not always the best at doing so, so I shook my head wildly and motioned as strongly as I could. But it still seemed to take her a moment to get it, and she took her time coming over to me.
I hurriedly turned around to snap my picture, and...the sky was all just medium gray, dull medium gray. Not a sparkle of sun to be seen. I felt so awful for having missed my chance. I kind of wandered around disconsolately for a bit, but suddenly the sun pillar and the sun dog were back, just changed a bit. Great! Another chance! I held up the camera to take a shot, but every time I tried, the students got in my way, jostling around to take pictures for themselves. I even went so far as to go down to the water itself--the teacher had said to keep out as it was cold, nearing winter--and stepped in up to my ankles, but for some reason the view wasn't good. I got back out and walked further along the bank/shore, trying to get around students and get just one good shot, but I could not, no matter how hard I tried. And by the time the stupid students finally thinned a bit, AGAIN the sunset was gone. TWICE I had missed it! Now everything was dull gray once more.
I think that was when I started to cry. It had been the most beautiful sunset I'd ever seen, but I didn't even have any reminder of it.
If they were not the same dream, this then shifted into "You Really Don't Want To Do That."
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